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Trust Me, There Are Worse Experiences To Be Had On A Sea Cruise

Calico Rudasil is a feature columnist for, the award-winning porn site for women & couples. With over 18 years’ experience under her belt, writing about and for the adult entertainment industry, Calico qualifies as something of a Web Porn Dinosaur; similar to a tyrannosaurus, only with far more attractive arms and a less pronounced overbite.

Bear with while I play a little word-association game with myself.

Someone says “Mike Tyson” and I think “ear bite.” If they talk about visiting New Orleans, I don’t just think about it, I even start to feel hungover.

As you can see, there’s a bit of a pattern developing here, in that my most immediate associations with a lot of people, places and things is a negative one. So, it should probably come as no surprise to find that when I hear the words “sea cruise,” several things I consider substantially worse than “catching cruise ship employee having sex in my bed” come to mind.

Yeah, OK – It IS Pretty Bad…

Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t be happy to check in to my assigned cabin only to find some mystery couple banging in what’s supposed to serve as my bed for the duration of a Singapore-to-Thailand cruise – but I don’t think I’d be emotionally scarred for life, either.

That’s easy for me to say, I suppose, as I’m not Bobby or Mary Jackson from Carrickfergus, Northern Ireland and I wasn’t there to see how this all went down.

So, how did it go down?

Upon checking into their cabin, the Jacksons were confronted with the sight of a man in their bed “and it was obvious he was in the middle of having sex with a woman.”

OK, I’ll admit, I wouldn’t be too happy if I experienced the same thing – even if I am a little unsure how it could be obvious the man was in the “middle” of having sex with a woman, as opposed to having just started. (I totally see how it could be obvious for him to be toward the end of having sex with the woman though – especially if he’s one of those guys who has a lot to say right before he cums.)

Still, I don’t think I’d find myself “traumatized” by the sight of people fucking in some floating hotel’s bed that was only “mine” for the length of the cruise. In fact, I might have assumed I’d walked into the wrong cabin and felt mortified, more than traumatized.

…But it Ain’t Got Nothing on Legionnaires’ Disease

Back to the word association thing, when I hear “sea cruise” my mind immediately goes to Legionnaires’ disease – mostly because people catching the disease from exposure to it on a sea cruise isn’t just a thing, it’s a recurring nightmarish thing.

Naturally, Legionnaires’ disease isn’t the only nightmarish thing one might encounter during a sea cruise, because there’s also massive waves which spring up out of nowhere, the occasional flood of human feces from horribly backed up onboard plumbing, the prospect of massive brawls between people who appear to be suffering from literal “cabin fever” and weather problems which sometimes spring up before you’ve even boarded the damn ship.

While I suppose I could put up with a little bit of rough seas and the massive brawl thing might even be slightly entertaining (so long as I didn’t find myself getting swept into the fisticuffs, as well) both giant waves and poo floods rank well above the prospect of Carnal Acts of Cabin Boys on my list of sea cruise-concerns.

Can We Interest You in Some Sandwiches as Compensation?

Understandably, the Jacksons feel they’re due some manner of refund from Norwegian Cruise Line – but so far, the couple has declined the offers made to them by the company. According to the Newsweek article, they were first offered $128 toward a future cruise, then the cruise company doubled the offer, but the Jacksons rejected both.

I suspect part of the Jackson’s refusal was the notion of ever getting on one of the company’s ships again, which they’d have to do if they wanted to cash in on the offers. I’m also guessing the company has balked at the idea of a cash refund, although I’m not sure why. Maybe Norwegian Cruise Line employees are recognized internally as a very horny lot, and the company doesn’t want to set a precedent?

I’d like to propose a compromise: Instead of a discount on a future cruise, or a cash refund, the parties could split the difference and Norwegian Cruise Line could pay them off in sandwiches.Why sandwiches, you ask? Well, I hear those sandwiches are so good, some passengers have been known to try to smuggle them off-ship by stuffing them into their bras.

Calico Rudasil is a (@ssshforwomen) columnist and Sssh will be on Peeperz for fun times again in the near future, meanwhile why not check us out:

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